Category Archives: Hairy Yogurt Das Musings

My Virgin Ayahuasca Trip Report: Dancing With A Sadistic Mother

ayahuasca trip report

Ayahuasca Trip Report: Set & Setting

I will keep this section brief for two reasons:

  1. The group I sat with operates within the US, and therefore is “underground”
  2. Most readers have expressed the most interest in the “juicy details” of my experience

I would like to acknowledge, however, that the two dozen fellow journeyers in attendance were the most genuinely loving and intelligent people The Big Toe and I have ever met. We wondered if this medicine attracts this quality of people, or if perhaps it produces these qualities in people (the vast majority of the participants had already taken many doses). We came to the conclusion that it’s likely a combination of both.

During the Pre-Ceremony Introduction, I met with the Shaman and told her of my experience with “heroic doses” of LSD for entheogenic purposes in the past.

Related: Virgin Voyage – My First LSD Experience & My Second LSD Trip – 25 Years Later

She asked “So, you’re not afraid to surf the big waves?”

I smiled and said “Hang Ten!”

Famous (and egotistical) last words…

My stated intentions for the session were:

  1. To know the Truth, no matter what
  2. To know the next steps on my journey to the Truth

Ayahuasca Trip Report: Session One

The ceremony began and soon it was my turn to approach the alter and take the medicine. The cup was filled to the brim… Laird Hamilton had nothing on me.

Within about 30 minutes I could feel the medicine coming on slowly, unlike my experiences with high doses of LSD. My body became warm and lighter, with a bit of dizziness.

I kept with my intention “Show me the Truth and my path towards it”.

Then she spoke to me for the first time. Now, there wasn’t an external figure that I could see (although many others have reported such an experience). This voice was from an internal source, but most certainly wasn’t ME. Those of you who’ve had this experience will know what I mean. Everyone else, just stay with me…

So she says:

“You’ve got to fucking be kidding me, right?”

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Adyashanti Retreat Review 2016

adyashanti retreat review

Adyashanti Retreat Review: The Omega Institute

Note: This post is epic. Sadly, not in that the content is superb, but rather in length. With close to 3000 words, the average read time is 15 minutes. You’ve been warned.

I’ve recently returned from my first silent retreat with Adyashanti. I’ll just refer to him as Adya from now on, as that’s what his friends call him… so I hear.

Although the majority of his retreats seem to take place in his home state of California, I was fortunate to catch him on an east coast stop at The Omega Institute. The Omega Institute is a lovely property close to the Hudson River in upstate New York. It’s a non-profit organization that has an almost unbelievable number of events (seemingly every week) with topics ranging from spirituality to holistic health to personal empowerment, to name just a few.

Let’s be clear, Omega is much more of a “retreat center” or maybe “retreat camp” than any type of resort. It bears little resemblance to a place like the Canyon Ranch Resorts.

It’s a more crunchy or hippie scene than those types of resorts. Let’s just say that there were a lot of “Birkenstocks and Socks”.

adyashanti retreat review

Don’t get me wrong, that’s actually my personal preference.

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The Spiritual Aspects Of Naked Yoga

 

naked yogaNaked yoga is a hot new trend, at least among trendy folks in trendy parts of the US. At least that’s the word on the street.

In my never-ending quest to be part of the trendy crowd, I decided to go straight from No-Yoga and jump right into Naked Yoga.

Sure, I could have at least tried out a couple of  the more traditional classes where your fellow peeps have their naughty bits covered; but fuck the middle man, I decided to go balls out.

You may have many questions, such as:

Why would anyone choose to do Naked Yoga?

Is “Naked Yoga” just code for an ORGY?

When do you strip down?

Do the Gospel Pipes and Winnebagos just flop around everywhere?

Should you make an anal bleaching appointment before your first class?

Fear not, for I had these questions and more, and attended several Naked Yoga classes from two different studios to find out.

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Spoonk Mat Review: Why I Lie On A Bed Of Spikes

spoonk mat review

I have a confession to make.

I use a Spoonk Mat daily, sometimes twice a day.

Despite the fact that “spoonk” sounds dangerously close to another slang term for baby batter or man chowder, this isn’t a mat designed for cleaner masturbation sessions.

A Spoonk Mat is substantially less fun than that.  And although it isn’t exactly a bed of spikes, it’s damn close.

Take a look for yourself:
spoonk mat

Don’t you just love the focus on the earth-friendly materials… as if they somehow don’t make it hurt like giving a knife a hand-job?

Full disclosure: I also have a near fetish-level relationship with cold showers.

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Adyashanti True Meditation

Adyashanti True Meditation Monkey

Adyashanti True Meditation is a nifty little book (under 90 pages) and an audio recording of two guided meditations.

Before I get into the details of the book, let me first throw out just a few of the reasons why I fucking love this guy:

  • Adyashanti is a white dude that grew up in the US suburbs.
    Of course, this can be seen by many spiritual aspirants as a negative; after all, he didn’t come from the mystical mountain caves of Tibet or a reclusive ashram in India.
    Adyashanti True Meditation Bio Photo

Adyashanti True Meditation Monk
This isn’t to say that I haven’t gleamed many words of wisdom from Swamis and Gurus from the East. However, I’ve personally found that it helps to have a guide with  a somewhat similar background to myself.

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Who The Hell is Cheri Huber?

Cheri Huber Accpetance

Cheri Huber is the subject for the virgin post of a new series entitled “Who The Hell is _______ ?

In this series The Big Toe and I will be waxing poetic (hardly, as that’s certainly not in our skillset) in regards to different teachers, gurus, sages, philosophers and porn stars that have been influential, in one way or another, on each of our paths.

Today I’ll share with you my experiences with Zen teacher Cheri Huber, from her books, audio courses and two separate retreats I’ve attended.

To set the scene, I was in graduate school studying comparative religions with a focus on Buddhism. I was rather deep in the process of reading the ancient texts and had begun the arduous, and eventually fruitless, task of learning Pali, the language of the time for The Big B.

I was starting to get bogged down with ancient texts; because truth be told, they were about as dry as a nun’s nasty (I got that saying from an Aussie friend, who swears it’s legit).

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A Lustful Path To Enlightenment

lust and the path to enlightenment

As Ram Dass has repeatedly stated “Be here now. Whatever path you’re on, that’s your fucking path to enlightenment.”

Ok, so maybe he verbally expressed only the first half of the above quote.

However, my personal sense/interpretation/hallucination is that he could’ve said the the second half as well.

We get a lot of questions about how to deal with desires when you’re attempting to be on a “spiritual path”.

Of course, our standard answers are:

“Why would you be asking us?

How the fuck would we know?”

All I can do is share with you my experiences and my best guesses. Consider this your disclaimer.

Desires and The Path to Enlightenment

Desires are part of the human experience. Assuming that you’re part of the human species, you’re gonna have ’em.

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Dharma Movie Reviews: Fight Club And Buddhism

Fight club and buddhism - this is your life

I’ll never forget the first time I watched Fight Club.

It was Friday, October 29th, 1999, as a matter of fact.

I was in awe the entire time. My girlfriend reached over and closed my mouth, as the experience was literally jaw dropping. This fascination was certainly enhanced by the fact that I had been deep into the study of Zen Buddhism over the previous two years. I distinctly recall every single scene representing a teaching from the Zen tradition.

Within the trendy Buddhist communities or hipster movie crowds, the interplay between Fight Club and Buddhism is no secret. Director David Finch and both Brad Pitt and Edward Norton have mentioned it in interviews. I have certainly spoken at length about it in the last 15 years to anyone kind (or high) enough to listen.

Now that BT and I created this WUH platform, I thought I’d throw it up here:

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The Jnana Yoga Path Of Intellectual Masturbation

intellectual masturbation cartoon

I was a dedicated practitioner and advocate of Jnana Yoga for more than a couple of decades.

I also masturbate a lot. At least more than the reported national average… but who actually admits truthfully how often they flog the dolphin.

In this post I’m going to explore the concept of Jnana Yoga being “spiritual” intellectual masturbation.

The Jnana Yoga path is that of knowledge or wisdom. I want to be clear that what I’m doing know, writing this blog post, or anytime that I think or talk about any of these “spiritual” topics, I’m essentially practicing Jnana Yoga.

So this blog is nothing but a Jnana circle jerk. Everyone is welcome, no judgments.

Some teachers attempt to make it clear that Jnana Yoga is not pursing intellectual knowledge, but rather knowledge of Unity or of Bhraman or Whatchamacallit (who remembers that candy bar?).

intellectual masturbation chocolate bar

Doesn’t it feel good to think of God as “chocolatey”? Or is that just me?

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Why I Fucking Love Krishna

love krishna sunset

Meeting The Devotees

My first exposure to Krishna, like many people in the 80s, were the Hare Krishna devotees at the airport. I was 16 years old and didn’t know my ass from my elbow, but I did make the effort to talk to these seemingly happy folks at each and every layover or delayed flight (much to my parents chagrin).

My initial impressions of them were as follows:

  • They were all high (looked like fun, but hadn’t tried it yet, personally)
  • Cool smelling incense
  • The baby they were worshiping seemed to need oxygen
  • They were spiritual vegetarians (which I found cool at the time)
  •  And most important – Was that Krishna hottie wearing anything under her robe?

love krishna girl

Although I was somewhat intrigued, I didn’t have any further contact with the group until I got to college out in crazy California. Out there the International Society for Krishna Consciousness (ISKON) had a continual presence on campus. Not only that, but every Thursday night they would have a free vegetarian feast and some funky chanting.

My friends and I would attend every week. What we noticed was that we all felt like we were high afterwards. Again, I still hadn’t ever been high, but my friends knew the state well, and swore it felt like a light buzz.

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My Second LSD Trip: 25 Years Later

LSD trip voyage upwards

A full twenty-five years later, Big Toe and I met up in Boulder, Colorado to take our second big LSD Trip and psychedelic adventure together.

Related: Virgin Voyage: My First Psychedelic Experience

Honest to Goddess, I hadn’t consumed any mind-altering substances in that two and a half decade time period. From a spiritual path perspective, there simply didn’t seem to be any need for it.

Then I started to get an “itch”; but it wasn’t exactly an itch, it kind of felt like an ache. So I’ll call it an “Itch-Ache”.

There was something else that I needed to experience, or so I convinced myself.

As you may recall, on my first LSD trip, I spent a good deal of time after the “peak-behind-the-curtain period” in The Void. This was planned for that first trip, and was certainly liberating in many ways that I was able to carry into ordinary relative reality.

LSD trip into the Void

This Itch-Ache felt like a calling/desire for more than the loss of Ego into the Void, but rather a sense of Union. I was unsure exactly how this sense of Union would present itself, as I felt confident that the path of pure bliss, surrender and love wasn’t MY path. I had always been drawn to the more Jnana Yoga Path of knowledge and intellectualism, somewhat characterized by my leaning towards Alan Watts over Ram Dass.

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My God Is Real, Bitch! Kirtan With Krishna Das

god is real sunrise

I can’t sing. It’s not that I can’t sing well… I truly suck.

We’re talking mirrors cracking and babies screaming in terror.

Plus, until rather recently, I thought that all devotional practices just weren’t my path. So I had no reason or desire to sit down for a sing-along.

Then my psychedelic-assisted mini-awakening occurred in Boulder.

Related: My Second LSD Trip: 25 Years Later

All of a sudden, my heart was filled with gratitude and I consciously sought out ways to show my devotion to God. That’s when I “found” Krishna Das.

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Virgin Voyage: My First Psychedelic Experience

psychedelic experience reaching the void

A Recount of My First Psychedelic Experience

This definitely ain’t Kansas.

As some of you are already aware, the totality of my drug experience (not to mention my psychedelic experience) throughout both high school AND college consisted of four beers. I suppose I should point out that the term “beer” is used lightly here, as they were really four bottles of Little Kings Cream Ale.

Seriously, I was that straight-edge (before that was a term) and vanilla, up until I was 24 years old.

Although slightly painful to admit, I was a Midwestern Country Bumpkin when I arrived in San Francisco, sight unseen, to study Religion and East West Psychology at The California Institute of Integral Studies (CIIS).

Although I had obtained my BA in philosophy with additional foci on religion and psychology, I somehow missed the books and lectures on mystical experiences, induced both by various techniques and the use of drugs.

That all changed at CIIS, as there was a corner section of the library dedicated to the topic of the psychedelic experience for enlightenment. Mind you, that wasn’t the exact description header for those two bookshelves, but even I could figure it out.

It was like porn to me.

Like real, old school porn, before the Internet; when it wasn’t so easy to obtain, and that seemed to exponentially increase both the desire and appreciation for it. That’s what this new and tasty information was for me… Enlightenment Porn.

But I digress…

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My Unconditional Love of Pussy

My name is Hairy Yogurt Das, and I have an unconditional love of pussy.

There, I said it.

Of course, I am talking about my cat. I just find it funny to say it that way. If you find it in bad taste, I sincerely respect and appreciate your choice to feel that way. But I still find it funny.

From a young age, I found it natural to love animals. I should be clear, I’m talking about non-human animals here. The human animal has proven substantially more challenging to love.

I’d love to have a dog, but the closest I’ve ever gotten was a bunch of dogma. My karma has been cats, and I’m cool with that. As a matter of fact, I feel it has been more valuable for me in terms of experiencing unconditional love.

You’re probably thinking, “What the fuck is he talking about? It’s dogs that give you the unconditional love. Cats can be real assholes.”

Ain’t that the truth! But hear me out…

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