Category Archives: Paths & Practices

My Virgin Ayahuasca Trip Report: Dancing With A Sadistic Mother

ayahuasca trip report

Ayahuasca Trip Report: Set & Setting

I will keep this section brief for two reasons:

  1. The group I sat with operates within the US, and therefore is “underground”
  2. Most readers have expressed the most interest in the “juicy details” of my experience

I would like to acknowledge, however, that the two dozen fellow journeyers in attendance were the most genuinely loving and intelligent people The Big Toe and I have ever met. We wondered if this medicine attracts this quality of people, or if perhaps it produces these qualities in people (the vast majority of the participants had already taken many doses). We came to the conclusion that it’s likely a combination of both.

During the Pre-Ceremony Introduction, I met with the Shaman and told her of my experience with “heroic doses” of LSD for entheogenic purposes in the past.

Related: Virgin Voyage – My First LSD Experience & My Second LSD Trip – 25 Years Later

She asked “So, you’re not afraid to surf the big waves?”

I smiled and said “Hang Ten!”

Famous (and egotistical) last words…

My stated intentions for the session were:

  1. To know the Truth, no matter what
  2. To know the next steps on my journey to the Truth

Ayahuasca Trip Report: Session One

The ceremony began and soon it was my turn to approach the alter and take the medicine. The cup was filled to the brim… Laird Hamilton had nothing on me.

Within about 30 minutes I could feel the medicine coming on slowly, unlike my experiences with high doses of LSD. My body became warm and lighter, with a bit of dizziness.

I kept with my intention “Show me the Truth and my path towards it”.

Then she spoke to me for the first time. Now, there wasn’t an external figure that I could see (although many others have reported such an experience). This voice was from an internal source, but most certainly wasn’t ME. Those of you who’ve had this experience will know what I mean. Everyone else, just stay with me…

So she says:

“You’ve got to fucking be kidding me, right?”

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Adyashanti Retreat Review 2016

adyashanti retreat review

Adyashanti Retreat Review: The Omega Institute

Note: This post is epic. Sadly, not in that the content is superb, but rather in length. With close to 3000 words, the average read time is 15 minutes. You’ve been warned.

I’ve recently returned from my first silent retreat with Adyashanti. I’ll just refer to him as Adya from now on, as that’s what his friends call him… so I hear.

Although the majority of his retreats seem to take place in his home state of California, I was fortunate to catch him on an east coast stop at The Omega Institute. The Omega Institute is a lovely property close to the Hudson River in upstate New York. It’s a non-profit organization that has an almost unbelievable number of events (seemingly every week) with topics ranging from spirituality to holistic health to personal empowerment, to name just a few.

Let’s be clear, Omega is much more of a “retreat center” or maybe “retreat camp” than any type of resort. It bears little resemblance to a place like the Canyon Ranch Resorts.

It’s a more crunchy or hippie scene than those types of resorts. Let’s just say that there were a lot of “Birkenstocks and Socks”.

adyashanti retreat review

Don’t get me wrong, that’s actually my personal preference.

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The Spiritual Aspects Of Naked Yoga

 

naked yogaNaked yoga is a hot new trend, at least among trendy folks in trendy parts of the US. At least that’s the word on the street.

In my never-ending quest to be part of the trendy crowd, I decided to go straight from No-Yoga and jump right into Naked Yoga.

Sure, I could have at least tried out a couple of  the more traditional classes where your fellow peeps have their naughty bits covered; but fuck the middle man, I decided to go balls out.

You may have many questions, such as:

Why would anyone choose to do Naked Yoga?

Is “Naked Yoga” just code for an ORGY?

When do you strip down?

Do the Gospel Pipes and Winnebagos just flop around everywhere?

Should you make an anal bleaching appointment before your first class?

Fear not, for I had these questions and more, and attended several Naked Yoga classes from two different studios to find out.

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Spoonk Mat Review: Why I Lie On A Bed Of Spikes

spoonk mat review

I have a confession to make.

I use a Spoonk Mat daily, sometimes twice a day.

Despite the fact that “spoonk” sounds dangerously close to another slang term for baby batter or man chowder, this isn’t a mat designed for cleaner masturbation sessions.

A Spoonk Mat is substantially less fun than that.  And although it isn’t exactly a bed of spikes, it’s damn close.

Take a look for yourself:
spoonk mat

Don’t you just love the focus on the earth-friendly materials… as if they somehow don’t make it hurt like giving a knife a hand-job?

Full disclosure: I also have a near fetish-level relationship with cold showers.

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Bullshit Spirituality Practices

bullshit spirituality

The Origin of Bullshit Spirituality Practices

Correlation and causation aren’t the same thing, no matter how inviting it is to act otherwise. Our quick attempt to equate them is a fool’s game.  Take it from a fool who’s played this game like a drum.

What the hell am I talking about and what does this correlation/causation distinction have to do your spiritual practice?

And more importantly, how does bullshit spirituality work its way into this messy mix?

Well I’m not talking about the bullshit fact that most tantric practitioners realize they’ve contracted crabs about 7-10 days after a practicing session on their “path”.

That’s bullshit spirituality for a different post (note to self).

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A Lustful Path To Enlightenment

lust and the path to enlightenment

As Ram Dass has repeatedly stated “Be here now. Whatever path you’re on, that’s your fucking path to enlightenment.”

Ok, so maybe he verbally expressed only the first half of the above quote.

However, my personal sense/interpretation/hallucination is that he could’ve said the the second half as well.

We get a lot of questions about how to deal with desires when you’re attempting to be on a “spiritual path”.

Of course, our standard answers are:

“Why would you be asking us?

How the fuck would we know?”

All I can do is share with you my experiences and my best guesses. Consider this your disclaimer.

Desires and The Path to Enlightenment

Desires are part of the human experience. Assuming that you’re part of the human species, you’re gonna have ’em.

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Dharma Movie Reviews: Fight Club And Buddhism

Fight club and buddhism - this is your life

I’ll never forget the first time I watched Fight Club.

It was Friday, October 29th, 1999, as a matter of fact.

I was in awe the entire time. My girlfriend reached over and closed my mouth, as the experience was literally jaw dropping. This fascination was certainly enhanced by the fact that I had been deep into the study of Zen Buddhism over the previous two years. I distinctly recall every single scene representing a teaching from the Zen tradition.

Within the trendy Buddhist communities or hipster movie crowds, the interplay between Fight Club and Buddhism is no secret. Director David Finch and both Brad Pitt and Edward Norton have mentioned it in interviews. I have certainly spoken at length about it in the last 15 years to anyone kind (or high) enough to listen.

Now that BT and I created this WUH platform, I thought I’d throw it up here:

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Nondualistic BadAss in Black

Nondualistic BadAss schoolbus

Almost 20 years ago now, I received a call from Hairy Yogurt Das.   We hadn’t talked in a while and after some introductory chit chat, shit-giving and banter, HYD said, “From a dualistic perspective, I’ve got some bad news.”

“What’s that?” I replied.

“Michael’s dead.” he responded.

“What happened?”

“Crashed his Harley.”

So, the most unusual thing about this interaction isn’t that Michael (one of HYD’s closest friends) was killed.  It was that HYD clearly knew that in the bigger scope of things, there is no such thing as “bad” or “good” news.  It’s just the manifestation unfolding.

However, if you want to get relative, something like this could be considered pretty fucking bad compared to Michael winning the lottery or even having a bad cup of coffee.  With the intention not to insult me by assuming I wasn’t operating at a state where anything was other than what is was, he qualified that he had some bad news from a “dualistic” perspective.  His parents raised him with proper manners, I’d say.

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The Jnana Yoga Path Of Intellectual Masturbation

intellectual masturbation cartoon

I was a dedicated practitioner and advocate of Jnana Yoga for more than a couple of decades.

I also masturbate a lot. At least more than the reported national average… but who actually admits truthfully how often they flog the dolphin.

In this post I’m going to explore the concept of Jnana Yoga being “spiritual” intellectual masturbation.

The Jnana Yoga path is that of knowledge or wisdom. I want to be clear that what I’m doing know, writing this blog post, or anytime that I think or talk about any of these “spiritual” topics, I’m essentially practicing Jnana Yoga.

So this blog is nothing but a Jnana circle jerk. Everyone is welcome, no judgments.

Some teachers attempt to make it clear that Jnana Yoga is not pursing intellectual knowledge, but rather knowledge of Unity or of Bhraman or Whatchamacallit (who remembers that candy bar?).

intellectual masturbation chocolate bar

Doesn’t it feel good to think of God as “chocolatey”? Or is that just me?

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Why I Fucking Love Krishna

love krishna sunset

Meeting The Devotees

My first exposure to Krishna, like many people in the 80s, were the Hare Krishna devotees at the airport. I was 16 years old and didn’t know my ass from my elbow, but I did make the effort to talk to these seemingly happy folks at each and every layover or delayed flight (much to my parents chagrin).

My initial impressions of them were as follows:

  • They were all high (looked like fun, but hadn’t tried it yet, personally)
  • Cool smelling incense
  • The baby they were worshiping seemed to need oxygen
  • They were spiritual vegetarians (which I found cool at the time)
  •  And most important – Was that Krishna hottie wearing anything under her robe?

love krishna girl

Although I was somewhat intrigued, I didn’t have any further contact with the group until I got to college out in crazy California. Out there the International Society for Krishna Consciousness (ISKON) had a continual presence on campus. Not only that, but every Thursday night they would have a free vegetarian feast and some funky chanting.

My friends and I would attend every week. What we noticed was that we all felt like we were high afterwards. Again, I still hadn’t ever been high, but my friends knew the state well, and swore it felt like a light buzz.

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All Paths Don’t Lead To The Top Of The Mountain

top of the mountain path

This can be a very discomforting thought and will make many seekers anxious. Let’s face it, in the spiritual journey, there are an abundance of competing options positioning themselves as a sure fire path to get us to a goal that almost no seekers ever attain.

Search for ultimate truth is a high risk, low reward game to get involved in and the uncertainty of how to proceed on this journey, to somewhere we’ve never been, makes the average seeker feel pretty fucking lost.

Believe me, I know.

But wait! What could be more comforting and provide the lost ego more piece of mind than the statement that “All paths lead to the same place”.

Whew! I’m not fucked nor do I have to think any longer about the fact that I could be taking the path that seems easiest, least assaultive on my ego, or is most popular right now. This one is right up there with, “No matter what sins I commit, if I confess them, Jesus will forgive me and I’ll go to Heaven when I die.”

Who wouldn’t grab these moronic beliefs with both hands as fast as possible?

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A Conditional Acceptance of the Bhakti Path

Hello Bliss Seekers,

This one is kind of a sticky-wicket. What I mean by that is that “sticky-wicket” is really fun to say out loud. Please stop reading and quickly say “sticky-wicket” out loud.

All You Need Is Love?

For those you that haven’t been exposed to all the super cool and eastern sounding Sanskrit words thrown around by seekers immersifying their egos in “Eastern philosophy and spiritual practices”, thank your lucky fucking stars. Bhakti basically means love. The Bhakti path is a path of love and devotion. Is it dualistic or non-dualistic? It depends on if the seeker has the ability to truly embrace non-dualism.

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My Unconditional Love of Pussy

My name is Hairy Yogurt Das, and I have an unconditional love of pussy.

There, I said it.

Of course, I am talking about my cat. I just find it funny to say it that way. If you find it in bad taste, I sincerely respect and appreciate your choice to feel that way. But I still find it funny.

From a young age, I found it natural to love animals. I should be clear, I’m talking about non-human animals here. The human animal has proven substantially more challenging to love.

I’d love to have a dog, but the closest I’ve ever gotten was a bunch of dogma. My karma has been cats, and I’m cool with that. As a matter of fact, I feel it has been more valuable for me in terms of experiencing unconditional love.

You’re probably thinking, “What the fuck is he talking about? It’s dogs that give you the unconditional love. Cats can be real assholes.”

Ain’t that the truth! But hear me out…

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