Author Archives: bedigital

My Virgin Ayahuasca Trip Report: Dancing With A Sadistic Mother

ayahuasca trip report

Ayahuasca Trip Report: Set & Setting

I will keep this section brief for two reasons:

  1. The group I sat with operates within the US, and therefore is “underground”
  2. Most readers have expressed the most interest in the “juicy details” of my experience

I would like to acknowledge, however, that the two dozen fellow journeyers in attendance were the most genuinely loving and intelligent people The Big Toe and I have ever met. We wondered if this medicine attracts this quality of people, or if perhaps it produces these qualities in people (the vast majority of the participants had already taken many doses). We came to the conclusion that it’s likely a combination of both.

During the Pre-Ceremony Introduction, I met with the Shaman and told her of my experience with “heroic doses” of LSD for entheogenic purposes in the past.

Related: Virgin Voyage – My First LSD Experience & My Second LSD Trip – 25 Years Later

She asked “So, you’re not afraid to surf the big waves?”

I smiled and said “Hang Ten!”

Famous (and egotistical) last words…

My stated intentions for the session were:

  1. To know the Truth, no matter what
  2. To know the next steps on my journey to the Truth

Ayahuasca Trip Report: Session One

The ceremony began and soon it was my turn to approach the alter and take the medicine. The cup was filled to the brim… Laird Hamilton had nothing on me.

Within about 30 minutes I could feel the medicine coming on slowly, unlike my experiences with high doses of LSD. My body became warm and lighter, with a bit of dizziness.

I kept with my intention “Show me the Truth and my path towards it”.

Then she spoke to me for the first time. Now, there wasn’t an external figure that I could see (although many others have reported such an experience). This voice was from an internal source, but most certainly wasn’t ME. Those of you who’ve had this experience will know what I mean. Everyone else, just stay with me…

So she says:

“You’ve got to fucking be kidding me, right?”

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YOU Do Not Exist

you do not exist
There was a naked sage in India who, by even Indian standards, was quite bizarre and very direct with those who would seek his consul.  The word was that even just being around this guy would elicit an almost overwhelming blissful and loving state of consciousness.  I recall this same guy would even poop in his own hand and throw it at the hoards of people that wouldn’t leave him alone.  This may be a good best practice we could all benefit from adopting, as it seems likely it could be quite effective.

One of the visitors approached this crazy naked sage and said, “What do I need to do to become enlightened?” To which the sage responded, “You want to become enlightened?  YOU do not  exist!”

This is kind of a bad-ass cool thing to say to someone but what does it really mean?

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Adyashanti Retreat Review 2016

adyashanti retreat review

Adyashanti Retreat Review: The Omega Institute

Note: This post is epic. Sadly, not in that the content is superb, but rather in length. With close to 3000 words, the average read time is 15 minutes. You’ve been warned.

I’ve recently returned from my first silent retreat with Adyashanti. I’ll just refer to him as Adya from now on, as that’s what his friends call him… so I hear.

Although the majority of his retreats seem to take place in his home state of California, I was fortunate to catch him on an east coast stop at The Omega Institute. The Omega Institute is a lovely property close to the Hudson River in upstate New York. It’s a non-profit organization that has an almost unbelievable number of events (seemingly every week) with topics ranging from spirituality to holistic health to personal empowerment, to name just a few.

Let’s be clear, Omega is much more of a “retreat center” or maybe “retreat camp” than any type of resort. It bears little resemblance to a place like the Canyon Ranch Resorts.

It’s a more crunchy or hippie scene than those types of resorts. Let’s just say that there were a lot of “Birkenstocks and Socks”.

adyashanti retreat review

Don’t get me wrong, that’s actually my personal preference.

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Toetry Entry 4: Innocence

I look down
on the gray grassy riverbank.
A small boy in blue overalls
plunges his hands into the water.

In his innocent laugh is an understanding
as rich and mystical as the shaman’s dance.

Like the evening wind
through a canyon,
the experience we call life
flows through this child – undaunted.

I cry a tear
for it’s a matter of time
before our world shackles
his virgin mind.

The Spiritual Aspects Of Naked Yoga

 

naked yogaNaked yoga is a hot new trend, at least among trendy folks in trendy parts of the US. At least that’s the word on the street.

In my never-ending quest to be part of the trendy crowd, I decided to go straight from No-Yoga and jump right into Naked Yoga.

Sure, I could have at least tried out a couple of  the more traditional classes where your fellow peeps have their naughty bits covered; but fuck the middle man, I decided to go balls out.

You may have many questions, such as:

Why would anyone choose to do Naked Yoga?

Is “Naked Yoga” just code for an ORGY?

When do you strip down?

Do the Gospel Pipes and Winnebagos just flop around everywhere?

Should you make an anal bleaching appointment before your first class?

Fear not, for I had these questions and more, and attended several Naked Yoga classes from two different studios to find out.

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Spoonk Mat Review: Why I Lie On A Bed Of Spikes

spoonk mat review

I have a confession to make.

I use a Spoonk Mat daily, sometimes twice a day.

Despite the fact that “spoonk” sounds dangerously close to another slang term for baby batter or man chowder, this isn’t a mat designed for cleaner masturbation sessions.

A Spoonk Mat is substantially less fun than that.  And although it isn’t exactly a bed of spikes, it’s damn close.

Take a look for yourself:
spoonk mat

Don’t you just love the focus on the earth-friendly materials… as if they somehow don’t make it hurt like giving a knife a hand-job?

Full disclosure: I also have a near fetish-level relationship with cold showers.

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Adyashanti True Meditation

Adyashanti True Meditation Monkey

Adyashanti True Meditation is a nifty little book (under 90 pages) and an audio recording of two guided meditations.

Before I get into the details of the book, let me first throw out just a few of the reasons why I fucking love this guy:

  • Adyashanti is a white dude that grew up in the US suburbs.
    Of course, this can be seen by many spiritual aspirants as a negative; after all, he didn’t come from the mystical mountain caves of Tibet or a reclusive ashram in India.
    Adyashanti True Meditation Bio Photo

Adyashanti True Meditation Monk
This isn’t to say that I haven’t gleamed many words of wisdom from Swamis and Gurus from the East. However, I’ve personally found that it helps to have a guide with  a somewhat similar background to myself.

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Who The Hell is Cheri Huber?

Cheri Huber Accpetance

Cheri Huber is the subject for the virgin post of a new series entitled “Who The Hell is _______ ?

In this series The Big Toe and I will be waxing poetic (hardly, as that’s certainly not in our skillset) in regards to different teachers, gurus, sages, philosophers and porn stars that have been influential, in one way or another, on each of our paths.

Today I’ll share with you my experiences with Zen teacher Cheri Huber, from her books, audio courses and two separate retreats I’ve attended.

To set the scene, I was in graduate school studying comparative religions with a focus on Buddhism. I was rather deep in the process of reading the ancient texts and had begun the arduous, and eventually fruitless, task of learning Pali, the language of the time for The Big B.

I was starting to get bogged down with ancient texts; because truth be told, they were about as dry as a nun’s nasty (I got that saying from an Aussie friend, who swears it’s legit).

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Big Toetry Entry 3: Into The One

INTO THE ONE

Another merciless wave crashes
Over a jagged puzzle called the mind
Each piece a riddle
With a solution thought will never find

Confusion leads to a desperate flash
Stunning the groping mind into non-existence
We awaken to take our first real breath

This baby, an old soul, named God
Sees himself, admiring the
Grotesque horror and unspeakable beauty as one

Remembering once again
Nothing has ever changed & nothing ever was
As the dream passes, we awaken alone again
Into the one

The silence ripping away the screens of thought
The window is wide open
Recognizing, in the eyes of all we see, only our self

Seeing our creation, ourselves, and the glance
All as one, beyond the deception of time

The Big Toe

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Bullshit Spirituality Practices

bullshit spirituality

The Origin of Bullshit Spirituality Practices

Correlation and causation aren’t the same thing, no matter how inviting it is to act otherwise. Our quick attempt to equate them is a fool’s game.  Take it from a fool who’s played this game like a drum.

What the hell am I talking about and what does this correlation/causation distinction have to do your spiritual practice?

And more importantly, how does bullshit spirituality work its way into this messy mix?

Well I’m not talking about the bullshit fact that most tantric practitioners realize they’ve contracted crabs about 7-10 days after a practicing session on their “path”.

That’s bullshit spirituality for a different post (note to self).

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