Tag Archives: awakening

My Virgin Ayahuasca Trip Report: Dancing With A Sadistic Mother

ayahuasca trip report

Ayahuasca Trip Report: Set & Setting

I will keep this section brief for two reasons:

  1. The group I sat with operates within the US, and therefore is “underground”
  2. Most readers have expressed the most interest in the “juicy details” of my experience

I would like to acknowledge, however, that the two dozen fellow journeyers in attendance were the most genuinely loving and intelligent people The Big Toe and I have ever met. We wondered if this medicine attracts this quality of people, or if perhaps it produces these qualities in people (the vast majority of the participants had already taken many doses). We came to the conclusion that it’s likely a combination of both.

During the Pre-Ceremony Introduction, I met with the Shaman and told her of my experience with “heroic doses” of LSD for entheogenic purposes in the past.

Related: Virgin Voyage – My First LSD Experience & My Second LSD Trip – 25 Years Later

She asked “So, you’re not afraid to surf the big waves?”

I smiled and said “Hang Ten!”

Famous (and egotistical) last words…

My stated intentions for the session were:

  1. To know the Truth, no matter what
  2. To know the next steps on my journey to the Truth

Ayahuasca Trip Report: Session One

The ceremony began and soon it was my turn to approach the alter and take the medicine. The cup was filled to the brim… Laird Hamilton had nothing on me.

Within about 30 minutes I could feel the medicine coming on slowly, unlike my experiences with high doses of LSD. My body became warm and lighter, with a bit of dizziness.

I kept with my intention “Show me the Truth and my path towards it”.

Then she spoke to me for the first time. Now, there wasn’t an external figure that I could see (although many others have reported such an experience). This voice was from an internal source, but most certainly wasn’t ME. Those of you who’ve had this experience will know what I mean. Everyone else, just stay with me…

So she says:

“You’ve got to fucking be kidding me, right?”

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YOU Do Not Exist

you do not exist
There was a naked sage in India who, by even Indian standards, was quite bizarre and very direct with those who would seek his consul.  The word was that even just being around this guy would elicit an almost overwhelming blissful and loving state of consciousness.  I recall this same guy would even poop in his own hand and throw it at the hoards of people that wouldn’t leave him alone.  This may be a good best practice we could all benefit from adopting, as it seems likely it could be quite effective.

One of the visitors approached this crazy naked sage and said, “What do I need to do to become enlightened?” To which the sage responded, “You want to become enlightened?  YOU do not  exist!”

This is kind of a bad-ass cool thing to say to someone but what does it really mean?

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Adyashanti Retreat Review 2016

adyashanti retreat review

Adyashanti Retreat Review: The Omega Institute

Note: This post is epic. Sadly, not in that the content is superb, but rather in length. With close to 3000 words, the average read time is 15 minutes. You’ve been warned.

I’ve recently returned from my first silent retreat with Adyashanti. I’ll just refer to him as Adya from now on, as that’s what his friends call him… so I hear.

Although the majority of his retreats seem to take place in his home state of California, I was fortunate to catch him on an east coast stop at The Omega Institute. The Omega Institute is a lovely property close to the Hudson River in upstate New York. It’s a non-profit organization that has an almost unbelievable number of events (seemingly every week) with topics ranging from spirituality to holistic health to personal empowerment, to name just a few.

Let’s be clear, Omega is much more of a “retreat center” or maybe “retreat camp” than any type of resort. It bears little resemblance to a place like the Canyon Ranch Resorts.

It’s a more crunchy or hippie scene than those types of resorts. Let’s just say that there were a lot of “Birkenstocks and Socks”.

adyashanti retreat review

Don’t get me wrong, that’s actually my personal preference.

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Adyashanti True Meditation

Adyashanti True Meditation Monkey

Adyashanti True Meditation is a nifty little book (under 90 pages) and an audio recording of two guided meditations.

Before I get into the details of the book, let me first throw out just a few of the reasons why I fucking love this guy:

  • Adyashanti is a white dude that grew up in the US suburbs.
    Of course, this can be seen by many spiritual aspirants as a negative; after all, he didn’t come from the mystical mountain caves of Tibet or a reclusive ashram in India.
    Adyashanti True Meditation Bio Photo

Adyashanti True Meditation Monk
This isn’t to say that I haven’t gleamed many words of wisdom from Swamis and Gurus from the East. However, I’ve personally found that it helps to have a guide with  a somewhat similar background to myself.

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Big Toetry Entry 3: Into The One

INTO THE ONE

Another merciless wave crashes
Over a jagged puzzle called the mind
Each piece a riddle
With a solution thought will never find

Confusion leads to a desperate flash
Stunning the groping mind into non-existence
We awaken to take our first real breath

This baby, an old soul, named God
Sees himself, admiring the
Grotesque horror and unspeakable beauty as one

Remembering once again
Nothing has ever changed & nothing ever was
As the dream passes, we awaken alone again
Into the one

The silence ripping away the screens of thought
The window is wide open
Recognizing, in the eyes of all we see, only our self

Seeing our creation, ourselves, and the glance
All as one, beyond the deception of time

The Big Toe

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Bullshit Spirituality Practices

bullshit spirituality

The Origin of Bullshit Spirituality Practices

Correlation and causation aren’t the same thing, no matter how inviting it is to act otherwise. Our quick attempt to equate them is a fool’s game.  Take it from a fool who’s played this game like a drum.

What the hell am I talking about and what does this correlation/causation distinction have to do your spiritual practice?

And more importantly, how does bullshit spirituality work its way into this messy mix?

Well I’m not talking about the bullshit fact that most tantric practitioners realize they’ve contracted crabs about 7-10 days after a practicing session on their “path”.

That’s bullshit spirituality for a different post (note to self).

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A Lustful Path To Enlightenment

lust and the path to enlightenment

As Ram Dass has repeatedly stated “Be here now. Whatever path you’re on, that’s your fucking path to enlightenment.”

Ok, so maybe he verbally expressed only the first half of the above quote.

However, my personal sense/interpretation/hallucination is that he could’ve said the the second half as well.

We get a lot of questions about how to deal with desires when you’re attempting to be on a “spiritual path”.

Of course, our standard answers are:

“Why would you be asking us?

How the fuck would we know?”

All I can do is share with you my experiences and my best guesses. Consider this your disclaimer.

Desires and The Path to Enlightenment

Desires are part of the human experience. Assuming that you’re part of the human species, you’re gonna have ’em.

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Dharma Movie Reviews: Fight Club And Buddhism

Fight club and buddhism - this is your life

I’ll never forget the first time I watched Fight Club.

It was Friday, October 29th, 1999, as a matter of fact.

I was in awe the entire time. My girlfriend reached over and closed my mouth, as the experience was literally jaw dropping. This fascination was certainly enhanced by the fact that I had been deep into the study of Zen Buddhism over the previous two years. I distinctly recall every single scene representing a teaching from the Zen tradition.

Within the trendy Buddhist communities or hipster movie crowds, the interplay between Fight Club and Buddhism is no secret. Director David Finch and both Brad Pitt and Edward Norton have mentioned it in interviews. I have certainly spoken at length about it in the last 15 years to anyone kind (or high) enough to listen.

Now that BT and I created this WUH platform, I thought I’d throw it up here:

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My Second LSD Trip: 25 Years Later

LSD trip voyage upwards

A full twenty-five years later, Big Toe and I met up in Boulder, Colorado to take our second big LSD Trip and psychedelic adventure together.

Related: Virgin Voyage: My First Psychedelic Experience

Honest to Goddess, I hadn’t consumed any mind-altering substances in that two and a half decade time period. From a spiritual path perspective, there simply didn’t seem to be any need for it.

Then I started to get an “itch”; but it wasn’t exactly an itch, it kind of felt like an ache. So I’ll call it an “Itch-Ache”.

There was something else that I needed to experience, or so I convinced myself.

As you may recall, on my first LSD trip, I spent a good deal of time after the “peak-behind-the-curtain period” in The Void. This was planned for that first trip, and was certainly liberating in many ways that I was able to carry into ordinary relative reality.

LSD trip into the Void

This Itch-Ache felt like a calling/desire for more than the loss of Ego into the Void, but rather a sense of Union. I was unsure exactly how this sense of Union would present itself, as I felt confident that the path of pure bliss, surrender and love wasn’t MY path. I had always been drawn to the more Jnana Yoga Path of knowledge and intellectualism, somewhat characterized by my leaning towards Alan Watts over Ram Dass.

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All Paths Don’t Lead To The Top Of The Mountain

top of the mountain path

This can be a very discomforting thought and will make many seekers anxious. Let’s face it, in the spiritual journey, there are an abundance of competing options positioning themselves as a sure fire path to get us to a goal that almost no seekers ever attain.

Search for ultimate truth is a high risk, low reward game to get involved in and the uncertainty of how to proceed on this journey, to somewhere we’ve never been, makes the average seeker feel pretty fucking lost.

Believe me, I know.

But wait! What could be more comforting and provide the lost ego more piece of mind than the statement that “All paths lead to the same place”.

Whew! I’m not fucked nor do I have to think any longer about the fact that I could be taking the path that seems easiest, least assaultive on my ego, or is most popular right now. This one is right up there with, “No matter what sins I commit, if I confess them, Jesus will forgive me and I’ll go to Heaven when I die.”

Who wouldn’t grab these moronic beliefs with both hands as fast as possible?

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